Let me get this clear first off - this guide won’t tell what your girlfriend, parents, or wee sister wants for Christmas (unless they’re really, really cool). This is more a guide for anyone you know who appreciates pointless yet must-have nerd fodder, just like your friendly neighbourhood Warthogs. Or hey, just email this post to your loved ones as way of a hint if anything takes your fancy. For the record, I’d fecking love to find any of these items under the Brycicle tree. Enjoy!
The Steven Fry talking clock
Ease yourself awake with the dulcet tones of the voice of the Hitchhiker’s Guide himself. With alarm calls like “I’m so sorry to disturb you sir, but it appears to be morning. Very incovnenient, I agree sir. I believe it is the rotation of the earth that is to blame”, and “It is impossible to say why your shoes have not been polished in the night. I can have the boot boy flogged? For indolence? If you wish, Sir.”, how could you possibly stay in bed?
The Monster Squad 20th Anniversary Edition
I’ve ordered this, but I haven’t watched it since I was a kid, over 15 years ago. I don’t know it will stand the test of time (I recently re-watched ‘The Last Unicorn’ and was very disappointed), but I can’t see it not still being awesome. It was pretty ballsy for a kid’s movie back then, what with pervy Frankensteins, Wolfman nards and, (sorry Chunk) the coolest fat kid in movie history. His name…is Horace!
8-bit Tie
Mario would be proud of this little beauty. Just don’t wear it on a date.
Abduction Lamp
Fecking hilarious. A light bulb inside the metal UFO lights up the beam and the windows; the glass of the beam is frosted to distribute light in all directions. This is only in the concept stages, but hopefully it’ll be shipping before Christmas. The optional cow add-on cracks me up!
Planet Hulk
For the comic-book lover in your life. I was never a Hulk fan, but this is an epic, epic tale that’ll take you a good few hours to get through. Possibly the greatest Marvel story ever told (it beats the shit out of Civil War for one), with a great cliffhanging shocker of an ending, it’d make a great movie but it’d cost about a squillion quid to make.
Sloth Action Figure
The whole Goonie gang is available, but this is definitely the icing on the cake. Relive your childhood, just remember the Baby Ruths or he’s apt to go apeshit.
Talking Kratos Action Figure
AAARRRRGGGGGG! What could be cooler than a Sloth figure? How about the grumpiest gaming character himself? Come on, he says stuff like “You defy the god of war?! You will suffer for this!”. How could you not get it for the office?
Remote Control KITT
Jump in my car! Or should that be K.A.R.R (K.I.T.T’s evil twin, pop pickers)? All you need now is a mullet, a neat leather jacket and some floor burgers and you’ll be the Hoffa incarnate!
Time Bandits Map
“You see, to be quite frank Kevin, the fabric of the universe is far from perfect. It was a bit of a botch job you see. We only had seven days to make it. And that’s where this comes in. This is the only map of all the holes. Well why repair them? Why not use ‘em to get stinking rich?”
A bit of a personal choice; it’s not cheap, but you never know when you’d be called on for a trans-dimensional adventure.
Well, that’s about it. I might update this list is I see anything else that I think you’d like. Oh yeah, nearly forgot, the ultimate, ultimate Christmas present for yours truly. So, if any of you have a couple of grand to spare, I wouldn’t say no to this monstrosity…
Lifesize American Werewolf in London
Sweet fucking crap. The greatest movie collectible ever. If only I could muster up the courage to have this in my house, I’d start saving. I’d love it just to scare the shit out of my brother with. “Hey Sean, what’s that outside?” *click* “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”. Ah, I can dream…
My hero!
Thats xmas sorted then, my mums finally going to get her lifesize American werewolf in London she has always dreamt of!